Knowing whether to board or not to board is a decision many parents struggle with. We asked Charlotte Hughes D’Aeth to share her insights into life at boarding school and why it was the right choice for her.

People are always shocked when I say that I started boarding at 9; “But that’s so young!” they exclaim, “didn’t you miss your parents?” to which the answer has always been no!

I have often felt that if I could redo part of my life it would be my prep school years. Granted, Hanford was less like a school and more like a holiday camp with lessons; tree climbing, early morning horse-riding and chickens included. But it was also an excellent grounding for life, both in and outside the dormitories. We learnt how to conjugate Latin verbs by rote, sew in a zip (something my mother still struggles with), how to argue and make up and how to push ourselves (often with a nudge from the head) and how to be ourselves.

Now, as a housemistress myself, I often tell my girls that boarding is the best way of learning how to get on with people you won’t always like; this lesson, instilled in me at Prep school carried through into my following two schools and still rings true today. Clearly the past can be rose tinted and I’m sure it wasn’t quite as idyllic as I remember (shower curtains only got introduced in my 2^nd year there and we could only wash our hair once a week!), but my prep school experience gave me the opportunity to carve out my own, budding personality and celebrate it, something that proved trickier to get right in a big public school as a teenager.

I am very lucky to have been at two exceptional and well known coed British boarding schools and whilst I found my first experience quite challenging,  I am sure this was in part due to the being in the throes of the teenage years.   However,  I would never change those years, they taught me so much about myself and about how to navigate your life when things don’t always go well. This experience also  meant that when I changed school for sixth form, I knew what I needed to do to get the best out of myself. As my mother has always said, you only get out what you put in and so I threw myself into every activity going (apart from sport, not my forte) and there was plenty to get involved in.

The joy of a 24/7 boarding experience is there is time to do so much, public speaking, be part of Young Entrepreneurs, mentor younger pupils, go on theatre and art trips, do Duke of Edinburgh and still hang out with friends.  And funnily enough, I found people who shared the same sensibility. As a teenage girl, there is nothing you want more than to fit in, but I learnt that not fitting in is sometimes the best way to achieve that!

Boarding has been an integral part of my life; it taught me independence yet how to be close to my family, resilience yet how to be vulnerable, gravity yet how to take everything with a smile and a dose of humour. Privilege is not something you are immediately aware of as a child or a self-obsessed teenager, but I now know how privileged I have been, not just because I had the privilege of being educated at top schools but also because I had the privilege of learning life lessons from people of all walks of life.

Boarding taught me a huge amount about Emotional Quotient (EQ), about looking in peoples’ eyes to see if the joke had gone too far, about choosing to be loyal rather than cool (at what felt like a steep price at the time but now seems so trivial). When you live with people who aren’t your family, you both have more freedom and more responsibility to those around you. You learn to listen, to problem solve and to work out when to get advice from others and that being supportive is much more important than being judgemental or “right”.

Boarding helped shape me into the person I am today (with a little help from my parents!) and I still think it is a hugely formative experience. It’s not always fun or easy, but it sure does teach you who you are and who you want to be and I celebrate it for the person I am still becoming.

For international families, deciding to send a child to boarding school overseas can be a difficult decision.  There are numerous factors at play but not least the issue of being a plane ride away.  Could the advantages of attending one of the best British boarding schools really outweigh the benefits of staying within the family unit?

To Board or not to Board?  That is the question…

Britain has more than 450 independent British Boarding schools and 38 state boarding schools so there is no shortage of choice when choosing the right boarding school for your child.

First and foremost must be the question of whether your child is ready for boarding in the UK.  Will they be happy enough to spend so much time apart and are they independent enough to cope with everyday school life without the support of home?

These days however, boarding schools offer an unparalleled level of support for each pupil within an environment that fosters and encourages independence. Pastoral care is an important part of any school’s vocabulary and ensuring that all the children feel safe and secure in the school environment is of paramount importance. This care system is also in place to ensure academic and sporting progress and to generally monitor each child as they go through the school.

There is often a ‘natural’ age when children tend to want a greater degree of independence from their parents and this could be the perfect time to consider boarding. If you believe in the age old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” then a boarding school staffed with professional experienced experts in children is today’s modern equivalent of ‘the village’.

Many families freely admit they do not miss the nightly nagging about homework, screen time and the constant ferrying around to afterschool activities and instead relish the quality family time they have when the child is at home for the holidays. And the children rather than pining away from the family environment are so fully engaged and occupied that it is a struggle sometimes to find time to call home!

What to look for

When one is looking for the right boarding school, make sure you have a good look at all the dormitories and have a chat with the matron. It is important too to get to know the Housemaster or Housemistress and to meet their spouses. They are the ones who will be the bedrock of your child’s time at that school.

If one is sending a child to board and you will still be living abroad, it is crucial to find out how many weekends the children can come out of school. It will not always be possible to come back for an exeat (weekend out) and therefore it is important to discover how often children are going out.

Advantages of a British boarding school

The advantages of boarding in the UK are many. For some, it is a return to home and all the cultural relevance that one might miss out on being abroad will certainly be found in a British boarding school. For others it is a chance to have a cross cultural international education experience in Britain, to improve your English, and to be part of an established environment with standards that are globally recognized.

The academic results are much easier to ascertain in a well-established age old school with a distinct track record.  A Head of a boarding prep school has unrivalled knowledge and relationships with independent secondary schools and can offer great advice to parents on where would best suit their child.  Prep schools tend to be rather small and intimate and the Head will know and understand each individual child.

Ultimately the decision will come down to a range of factors both practical and emotional but for some families living abroad, giving their children the boarding experience gives them roots and wings.